Ramblings of the mind

Ye Gods I miss her.

I miss my Lou, I miss her company and her bossy nature, the feel and sound of her snuffling in my ear, burrowing in my hair. I miss her snores. I miss her. Damn depression! I've been on a level mood for ages so I suppose I should have expected this but it found my weak spot and I have tears rolling down my face and soaking my t-shirt. I don't care, I'll cry until I feel better.

I've been reading up online about dogs today. One day we'll hopefully have the space and money for one. I've also *almost* got the living room how I want, Stuff has been sorted and floor and some of the dresser is visible. There's still a huge pile of papers to sort through and file. Once the videos are moved to the bedroom where the VCR is there might even be a couple of spare shelves. Although I might move the crates that are hiding under the tables onto those and have a completely uncluttered floor.

Ahhh, I know what's triggered my down, I've been sorting through my personal stuff again, deciding what to keep and what to charity and what to bin. It always drains me, so many memories come to the surface. This is one of those times I feel I should actively seek counselling and then I worry about what will happen if I do. I'm pretty certain I couldn't keep my job while being counselled, too much will be let loose to think straight enough to work. I have some serious walls in my head and while I occasionally let the odd overflow out to pull down those walls is to release a tsunami in my head.

Jo's got it into his head that we should get a sun-room/conservatory built to increase the value of the house and have a nice room too. It'd have a washing machine point so we could move the machine and get a dishwasher and french windows to open on warm days. It would take about half the back yard. The party wall would need to be torn down and rebuilt and it'd stop about a foot from the back retaining wall to avoid planning permission being needed. He's already started the loan enquiry, we've had 6 people come quote of which there's only 2 we'd consider between and we're going to get an estate agent's opinion first, if it adds a decent amount more to the house than it'll cost we'll go for it otherwise I'll suggest to hubbie we just get someone to re-do the back yard nicely with some better flags/paving.

Still not heard anything from the physio unit at the Health Centre, I shall check on that when I ring in my prescription on Tuesday, daft me miscounted my pills so I'll have to ask them to hurry it for Wednesday or I'll be going cold turkey on some important pills. Well, only my anti-histamine but I've done that a few times and the almighty itching that comes with just isn't fun.

So, yeah, just letting my thoughts out through my fingers here. I've got so much going on up there I need to make space. I tried doing this then just deleting it but somehow that puts it back in my head so blah.

I'm emotionally drained, mentally tired yet physically awake. If I were back in Lancaster I might go for a walk to the park but here there's nowhere really to walk to. Dunno what to do with myself really. I'm up to row 28 on my hemlock already, I'd do more but I get the feeling I'd miscount and cock-up.

Anyhoo, I'm gonna eat some choccy (thanks Morgan) and browse the internet, see if I can find an interesting free online game.